The Setbacks That Saved Me: Choosing Myself in the Messy Middle of Healing

There’s this quiet ache that shows up when you feel like you’ve made so much progress, only to find yourself crying over something you thought you had already let go of.

You know that feeling? When you’ve spent weeks, maybe months, putting yourself back together, romanticizing your routines, journaling at sunrise, feeling more whole, and then suddenly, a moment, a message, or a memory pulls you right back into the space you thought you had healed from.

I used to think that meant I was failing.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize: healing isn’t a straight line. And just because you circle back to pain doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.

Progress Isn’t Always Forward

Healing is often sold to us like a checklist.

Get over them? Check.

Go to therapy? Check.

Create a morning routine? Check.

But what happens when you do everything “right” and still feel that ache in your chest?

What happens when you slip into old patterns, overthinking, self-abandoning, searching for validation in someone else?

That’s when the real healing starts.

That’s when you’re invited to pause, reflect, and go deeper.

I Was Addicted to Being Chosen

For a long time, I based my worth on how lovable I was to someone else.

I waited for messages that didn’t come.

I overextended myself to prove I was enough.

I shaped myself into whatever version I thought would be accepted.

But the turning point wasn’t when someone finally chose me.

It was when I chose myself.

You don’t have to be chosen by anyone to matter.

You don’t have to be understood by someone who only loves parts of you.

And you definitely don’t have to keep shrinking just to be held.

Falling in Love With the Right Things

These days, I’m falling in love again.

Not with a person, but with my peace.

With my morning coffee, slow walks, soft playlists, and late-night journaling.

With learning to say no.

With choosing stillness over urgency.

With writing what I really feel, even when it doesn’t sound poetic.

I’m learning to romanticize what grounds me, not what breaks me.

And no, it’s not always easy. Some days, I still crave the comfort of being wanted, even if it costs me my peace. But now I pause and ask, “Am I abandoning myself to feel seen?”

For the One Who’s Still Learning

If you’re reading this and it resonates, let this be your reminder:

You are not weak for revisiting old wounds.

You are not behind because you’re still figuring it out.

You are not broken because you still feel the ache.

You are allowed to be a work in progress.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to keep becoming.

So give yourself grace. Breathe. Show up with softness.

Choose yourself, again and again.

You are already enough, even in the middle of becoming.